Stash of Mom's pillows...

Life without Mom has become normal. Not that there's times that I miss her more than others, wish that she could be here for certain events or just want to talk with her one more time, but she's not continually on my mind like she was several years ago. But there are times when something or someone triggers a memory of Mom.

Like a couple weeks ago as I was spring cleaning the hall closets. At the bottom of one of the closets lies a pile of blankets and extra pillows. Yes, the pillows...among the extras were Mom's "special" pillows.

You see, Mom always struggled with lower back pain, but having a small pillow tucked in behind her was a great help. She would have those pillows scattered around the house - in the schoolroom at her desk, in her rocking chair in the family room, on her bed and even in the car. They were available as she needed them.

There was one in particular that she loved the best! This very lumpy, odd looking, well worn thing was the most comfortable to her. I even made her a few brand new, machine embroidered pillows attempting to get rid of the old one, and while they were nice, they weren't "it". That one in particular and a couple others traveled with her quite a bit.

After Mom's brain biopsy surgery in Wichita, she was in ICU for several days, pretty much confined to lying on her back since her right side was paralyzed. We could tell that much of the time she was uncomfortable, but because she was unable to speak and there was so much else going on with her body, we were never able to discover what exactly she was trying to tell us she needed. There were so many other life changing issues we were facing and dealing with, that we didn't fully realize that being on her back so much was a huge problem.

Until.....that one afternoon. We walked into her ICU room carrying a couple of "her pillows". Oh! The look of relief on her face! Unbelievable! As soon as we were close enough to her bed, she immediately grabbed her favorite, small, lumpy pillow and tucked it behind her. And then sat back, breathing a sigh of relief with a slightly contented smile on her face.

Ahhh, yes...we had discovered one thing that helped. That little pillow.

So now that one favorite well-worn pillow is sitting with the others that Mom used. Do we use it for anything? No. Is it more than ready for the trash? Yes. Am I ready to get rid of it? Nope, not yet. Whenever I see that stash of pillows, it reminds me of Mom and that one afternoon when we managed to get a smile on her face in some of the worst circumstances. I'll never forget that. Never.